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Trolls FAQ

Do you really use trolls to make Spazzstick™?

Why do you just employ trolls?

Do you discriminate in your hiring of trolls?

Do you hire forest trolls?

Would you consider hiring gnomes?

How much money do trolls make working at Spazzstick.com?

Are trolls sanitary?

Where do you get your trolls?

Where can I hire some worker trolls?


Do you really use trolls to make Spazzstick?

Yes.  All Spazzstick is made in a vast underground volcano lair by the busy hands of industrious worker trolls.

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Why do you just employ trolls?

Trolls are hard workers, require very few benefits, and are never late to work, mainly because they never go home.

Also, trolls are technically neither human nor animal.  They're faerie beasties.  Therefore neither labor laws nor animal control laws apply.  We just have to feed them nutritious gruel and keep them from eating the gnomes.

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Do you discriminate in your hiring of trolls?

Absolutely not.  Spazzstick.com is an equal opportunity employer.  We hire bridge trolls, rock trolls, cave trolls, and even a few mountain trolls.

Cave trolls tend to be our best workers, mainly because they require no light or heat, thus saving money on utilities, keeping our prices low.  It's very cost saving to have workers who see in the dark.

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Do you hire forest trolls?

No silly, forest trolls are just make-believe.

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Would you consider hiring gnomes?

No. We tried hiring gnomes in the past, but they steal.  And bite.  And they're always singing annoying songs.  And the trolls kept eating them.

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How much do trolls make working at Spazzstick.com?

Nothing.  That's the beauty of them, they mainly work for shiny beads and red rubber bands.  We don't know what they do with them.  Frankly, we don't want to know.  We even have a company policy that prohibits speculation.  Some things are better not known.

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Are trolls sanitary?

Oh yes, they're very clean.  You may have heard stories about how dirty trolls are, but they're really quite clean. 

Except for bridge trolls.  We don't let the bridge trolls near the product.  Or ourselves.  In fact, I can't really think of a good idea to keep them around other than they keep threatening us with their clubs.

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Where do you get your trolls?

We're not telling.

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Where can I hire some worker trolls?

You can't. 

They're mine!  All mine.  Don't touch.

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