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What is Spazzstick?

Why is Spazzstick different from normal lip balms?

Why caffeine?

Who invented Spazzstick?

Who makes Spazzstick?

Isn't "Inuit" the politically correct word for "Eskimo"?

How does the caffeine get into my brain?

Is caffeine safe?

What was the capital of ancient Babylon?

Does it work as lip balm?

Does is really work?

Really, really for real?

How does Spazzstick taste?

If you strip the electrons from an atom, what does it become?

Where is Spazzstick made?

I've been bitten by a squirrel, what should I do?

How do we contact you?

Was Spazzstick tested on animals?

Where can we buy Spazzstick?


What is Spazzsticktm?

        - Spazzstick is a very tasty lip balm that contains copious amounts of caffeine.  It's made of the finest ingredients, and is all vegetarian.  It promotes healing of chapped or wind burned lips, and promotes happiness everywhere else.

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Why is Spazzstick different from normal lip balms?

        - It contains lots of very happy caffeine.  It also tastes way better.  We're talking way better.

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Why caffeine?

        - Because caffeine rocks!!!!  Some people (like the creator's wife) don' t like coffee, but they also don't like being sleepy.  Something had to be done.  Who's going to solve this problem?  The United Nations?  They wouldn't even hear about it.  Those fat cats in Washington DC?  Not likely.  It was up us to make it happen.  We stepped up to the plate.

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Who invented Spazzstick?

        - A police officer who lives in an Eskimo village in northern Alaska.  He needed lip balm in a climate where the wind chill would often reach -100*F (seriously).  He also needed to stay awake during long patrol shifts.  Spazzstick was born.

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Who makes Spazzstick?

    - Spazzstick is made by trolls.  Hoards of happy worker trolls.

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Isn't "Inuit" the politically correct word for "Eskimo"?

        - No, not really.  The Inuit actually live in Canada, therefore it would be improper to refer to American Eskimos as Inuit.  The proper term is actually "Inupiaq", which means "the real people", but Eskimo is also acceptable.

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How does the caffeine get into my brain?

        - It gets absorbed directly through your skin, then into your blood, then into your brain, making you very, very happy.

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Is caffeine safe?

        - Heck yeah; it's as safe as coffee or soda.  Caffeine is further proof that God loves us.  You can learn more about the wonderful substance known as caffeine here: http://home.howstuffworks.com/caffeine.htm

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What was the capital of ancient Babylon?

        - The capital of ancient Babylon was the city of Babylon, which existed in what is currently Iraq.

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Does it work as lip balm?

        - Very well, actually.  Spazzstick is made from the finest ingredients, and has a very pleasant flavor. 

 And did we mentions caffeine?  Lots of very happy caffeine.

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Does is really work?

        - Yes, really.

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Really, really for real?

        - Yes, it works!  Please stop asking!  Move on to the next question.

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How does Spazzstick taste?

        - Right now we offer vanilla/toffee Spazzstick (original formula) and Mint Spazzstick (new formula).  Very soon we will also have cherry and Orange.  

Mmmmmmmmmmm.............................Spazzstick.........................................

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If you strip the electrons from an atom, what does it become?

        - It becomes a "cation", which is a positively charged ion.

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Where is Spazzstick made?

        - It is currently made in the lovely Eskimo Village of Kaktovik, Alaska by hoards of industrious worker trolls in a vast underground volcano lair.

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I've been bitten by a squirrel, what should I do?

        - If it's safe to do so, try to capture the squirrel.  If you can't catch it, call Animal Control immediately; they may be able to trap it.  Get to a doctor, and if possible get the squirrel to a vet to be tested for rabies.  Talk to the squirrel, and work out your differences.  Apologies will likely have to be made on both side.

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How do we contact you?

        - Email us at richie [at] spazzstick.com

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Was Spazzstick tested on animals?

        - No, Spazzstick has never been tested on animals.  The only animals in the area are Arctic Fox, Caribou, and Polar Bears.  We can't catch the Foxes, and putting lip balm on a Caribou is no picnic, so we don't even try.  No one was willing to get close enough to a polar bear to put lip balm on it.

Except for Dwayne.  He once tried to put lip balm on a Polar Bear.  He said the Polar Bear looked like he had chapped lips.  He also thought the Polar Bear wanted to be his friend.

We miss him.  Not real smart, Dwayne, but he loved to hug stuff.  Like Polar Bears.

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Where can we buy Spazzstick?

        - Simply by clicking here!!!!

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